now i know what they mean when they say the tears flow like water from a tap.
it means, you cant stop, and it just keeps falling and falling and
there's tears and snort all over your face.
i think i've never cried so much over anything my whole life.

ugly word of my entire life: risk
i could go to the uk, i could.
if i would risk not being able to complete my degree,
because my family has ran out of money.
and i have to come back.
that's what my dad said:
the times are bad.
that its my fault that i can't get into med,
i dont want to go for law,
and i dont want to take engineering.
thus i have no rights to say i want to go to the uk.
because he's letting me do his most despised subject: econs
despite that, i cannot do it in any school.
only nus he says.
not smu,
not in a school for "rejected students"
but i am a rejected student.
i'm the exact fit for smu.
why dont they get it.
i'm not the doctor, lawyer, engineer material.
all i want is to do something i like.
i know its too much to ask for.
but i'm a selfish, bratty little kid.
and you cant take away everything from a kid who's been living like that all her life.
its cruel. mean. evil.
its too abrupt and it hurts too much to adapt.
i know best.
this sucks.
really sucks.