i'm so ultra sick of feeling useless and sad.
its exhausting really.
i try my best at everything i do.
i write my application essays to the best i can.
i do all my french homework :x
i try to help everyone at work.
i do all the jobs that they hate.
what more do they want?
all these people who are unconcerned with my life,
who have no idea what i'm going through.
what more can i give you?
all the bounced and cancelled cheques.
all the mistakes from things i'm not supposed to do in the first place.
all the expectations and disappointment weighing down on me.
every thing that goes wrong, goes in my way.
and pushes me a little further towards the edge.
when will this be over,
when are they ever going to look past me without expecting me to do better than i already did?
what i need now is a little assurance, a little faith and hope that everything will be fine in the end, no matter what happens in the months to come.
even if i fail all my interviews, and get utterly rejected, i can still stand back up on my feet again, and do whatever i wanted to do (just thru a detour).
just not through IES or SIA or IRAS or EDB or STB.
anyway will do, for all we know, i might be happier on that path.
i might meet nicer people, better friends and enjoy greater views.
maybe i'll be really sad in the uk,
and nobody wants to be sad but successful.
(i can just keep deceiving myself like that :D )
its true.
i WILL end up how i want to be.
vraiment vraiment vraiment.
:)
:)